thinkwithportals | Introduction, Rules

If you're new here, might I suggest reading the profile page?

As a general rule, Aperture Science doesn't believe in rules. Except for the rules outlined below:

All NSFW material must be labelled and under a cut. Aperture Science employees visit this community, and they don't want a repeat of last year's embarrassing surprise government inspection.

Respect other members. This isn't the Human Enrichment and Testing Department, you have nothing to gain by tormenting members. And not to be alarmist or anything, but Aperture is very, very concerned with the amount of negative publicity they've been getting. So no insult or fights, no matter how many birth parents a fan may not have.

Do not spam or advertise in the community. This is because Spam is gross. As for advertising, if you'd like to become a Friend of Science and/or Enemy of Black Mesa, you can contact

terabient about it. It's not like she's doing anything worthwhile...except considering your highly-valued affiliation request, of course! Yes. You matter.

Have fun!
OR ELSE.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

dioscuri

Where's my jumpsuit.

terabient

You were going to get one but there was a terribly unfortunate accident with the Semi-Experimental Supersoaper Washing Machine and Hyperspeed HyperDryer, so they will not be available for awhile.

Unless you are okay with a jumpsuit with a number of unidentified dark red stains and the occasional piece of gristle, in which case your jumpsuit will be delivered ASAP.

Whatever. I can jerry rig an oscillator in my toilet with this potato battery I found lying around. I need a change of clothes; there's bird shit everywhere in here and I lost my Tide pen.

Well okay then, we'll send that right out! Just to be clear, you really can't have second thoughts on this - no "Oh, this a lot worse than I thought" or "Is that an eyeball?" crap. And the company strongly suggests that you do not go public with any crazy conspiracy theories about employee safety or lack thereof.

I hope that's not an issue. Because if it is, there may be some problems in the near future. For you.

Yeah, look, I'm in it to win it. I'm all out of beard dirt and the mantis men stole my last can of beans. Bring on the pulsing blue and orange tumors.